it has been a long time since i last posted
things have been pretty hectic for me recently
thus, having me all tired and cranky these days.

it was last friday that HOI essay and EAP was due & I'm glad that it's over.
Lit essay and M&C essay is due soon and I intend to start on it during the weekends.

bt oh well, I hope things get better in some way
recently, I've been losing myself a lot. getting emotional and sensitive to a lot of things.
things that I used to like a lot don't seem to be able to appeal me in any way. so I'm worried that I'll lose myself during process. I think this is totally because I'm to hung up with the thought about my future and all. It was like only a few days back that I realised that I didn't really know what I really wanted. & of course it got me into panic mode esp when Trinity started e-mailing us about the university application.

It doesn't really help just talking it out sometimes. It's more of like I want some advice or a certain mature response from people. talking about this whole maturity thing, recently I've been a little agitated with this certain someone. I'm so agitated to the difference in the level of maturity of thinking that it's driving me nuts whenever I talk to this certain person. I really want to apologise to this person really and probably talk it out 'cos I hate how the friendship is becoming so unhealthy. but, yeah, I just can't find the words. all I can do is just always going along with the topic we're talking about but, again at the back of my head it's screaming as to how much I yearn to talk about it. it's hard really when I keep realising this whole difference thing. I wished I didn't jump that fast and went the slow way.

Anyway, I just got updated about how BIG BANG is coming down to Singapore. Totally devastating news. It's upsetting to know that they are actually coming down and collaborating with some other groups which I think is pretty absurd 'cos Big Bang deserve their own concert plus better advertising rather than just facebook stuff. but, oh well, that's how it is. I hope they back out or something. haha.

But, actually honestly, I'm not upset about how Big Bang is coming down to Singapore and I'm not there. It's more of how I can't be there to go for Big bang. Darn... Suddenly I feel like going back home. but, hell no, I shouldnt do this.

okay anyway that's all that much I can update really. It's a pretty depressing post I know. But, bear with me. I'm trying to get over certain things. I just wished that someone could at least give me some support instead of bringing me down like saying, "it seems like ur luck is quite bad especially after you're gone from singapore the good things are coming down". well, darn, it ain't making me feel all happy although I know it deep down inside. I know how much I gave up just to be here. It's almost like as if I lost all my emotions just to be here. So it won't help me if I have to keep telling myself it's okay just to console myself.

haiz forget this. it's my choice. right. i just gotta get over things and grow. my choice.

janeh ~

p.s before I forgot, at least there was a gleam of hope when my thumbdrive came back to me. haha