it has been a long time since i last posted
things have been pretty hectic for me recently
thus, having me all tired and cranky these days.

it was last friday that HOI essay and EAP was due & I'm glad that it's over.
Lit essay and M&C essay is due soon and I intend to start on it during the weekends.

bt oh well, I hope things get better in some way
recently, I've been losing myself a lot. getting emotional and sensitive to a lot of things.
things that I used to like a lot don't seem to be able to appeal me in any way. so I'm worried that I'll lose myself during process. I think this is totally because I'm to hung up with the thought about my future and all. It was like only a few days back that I realised that I didn't really know what I really wanted. & of course it got me into panic mode esp when Trinity started e-mailing us about the university application.

It doesn't really help just talking it out sometimes. It's more of like I want some advice or a certain mature response from people. talking about this whole maturity thing, recently I've been a little agitated with this certain someone. I'm so agitated to the difference in the level of maturity of thinking that it's driving me nuts whenever I talk to this certain person. I really want to apologise to this person really and probably talk it out 'cos I hate how the friendship is becoming so unhealthy. but, yeah, I just can't find the words. all I can do is just always going along with the topic we're talking about but, again at the back of my head it's screaming as to how much I yearn to talk about it. it's hard really when I keep realising this whole difference thing. I wished I didn't jump that fast and went the slow way.

Anyway, I just got updated about how BIG BANG is coming down to Singapore. Totally devastating news. It's upsetting to know that they are actually coming down and collaborating with some other groups which I think is pretty absurd 'cos Big Bang deserve their own concert plus better advertising rather than just facebook stuff. but, oh well, that's how it is. I hope they back out or something. haha.

But, actually honestly, I'm not upset about how Big Bang is coming down to Singapore and I'm not there. It's more of how I can't be there to go for Big bang. Darn... Suddenly I feel like going back home. but, hell no, I shouldnt do this.

okay anyway that's all that much I can update really. It's a pretty depressing post I know. But, bear with me. I'm trying to get over certain things. I just wished that someone could at least give me some support instead of bringing me down like saying, "it seems like ur luck is quite bad especially after you're gone from singapore the good things are coming down". well, darn, it ain't making me feel all happy although I know it deep down inside. I know how much I gave up just to be here. It's almost like as if I lost all my emotions just to be here. So it won't help me if I have to keep telling myself it's okay just to console myself.

haiz forget this. it's my choice. right. i just gotta get over things and grow. my choice.

janeh ~

p.s before I forgot, at least there was a gleam of hope when my thumbdrive came back to me. haha

decided to blog today 'cos I had nth to do on the com
it's been a pretty busy month for me with school work and all

anw, follow up from my previous post,
I still cant find my thumbdrive & apparently I sent and e-mail to the WHOLE school to notify that I lost my thumbdrive.
the MOST embarassing thing in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE in trinity.

but still, it doesnt matter 'cos I WANT IT BACK !
it's been a pretty tough month so I hope things would get better after term 3 ends.
& that I would stop panicking when it comes to the upcoming assignments
& I seriously hope I can stop having really bad moody days bcos I feel very lonely and sad.

alright, enough with the moody stuff, I want to go back to proper life which is to do my HOI essay stuff. everyone, pleases enjoy the rest of the week while I try to enjoy mine.

janeh ~ (i hope my thumbdrive returns)

it's been a long time since i last blogged, sorry.
though i dont know who i am apologizing too.

but anw, things have been really hectic and crazy for me.
I get tired & worn out very easily. && this of course makes me agitated easily too.
today was a horrible day for me. i'll explain thhe sequence of events.

1. went to school alil earlier to print out sources and psych essay
2. some GUY was photocopying (one-sided) his HOI stuff
3. okay fine, i'll print my sources during lunch & print my psych essay now
4. came back during lunch, i started printing my sources
5. the printer suddenly stopped working, saying that there's no more paper... super WTH !
6. so I was getting ready to go swanstons & the printer continued printing my sources
7. had maths test in class, i smhw didnt really study for it but managed to know how to do it
but, because i was panicking, i made a careless mistake when integrating.
8. rmbered during maths class that i left my thumbdrive at the com lab
9. went home like nth happened
10. realised hours and hours later that I did not take my thumbdrive

So, seriously, I'm speechless as to how my day can be so DAMN SCREWED UP ! but, yes, I managed to regain my calmness after praying to GOD. && I seriously hope that my thumbdrive is still there tmr where nobody saw it or used that com.

I swear I won't print on the day I have to hand in my essays alr. I tend to panic too much and it affects every single thing especially my MOOD.

Anw, my ticket to go back to Singapore is kind of confirm which is great & I feel extremely delighted about it. My mum's coming down for graduation & we'll go back together.

Seriously, I think I'm going to be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, going to extreme ends of mood in just one day. well, all in all, today isn't the best day of my life definitely. PPL out there, please just hope that my thumbdrive is still there tmr. Or else, I'm going to be pretty down 'cos I hate losing things.

Alright, I really hope things will get better soon as the days go by. I'm looking forward to my trip back with my mum. HEHS XD.

janeh~ have a good day ppl