It's been almost a week since I've been in Singapore
It's the best and the worst week for me, really.

The weather is horrible. The humidity is beyond words.

I didn't get to see my friends till the fourth day I was here which was pretty sad. But, it's understandable, they have school. However, I did manage to catch up with them the past few days. which was really really great.

Why it seemed to be the worst week for me as well although I'm actually back probably because my feelings about going and leaving for Melbourne started waver because I realised that even though it has only been 4 months since I was away, I felt like everything was just too alien for me. Which I seriously seem to hate that feeling. It's like for one moment you think you have everything under your control, everything on your side but, when you are there, you realise it's not like that. This whole alien feeling actually almost drove me mad the first few days 'cos I thought my decision to come back during the holidays was the wrong decision.

But, I finally calmed down after a few days with a lot of catching up and spending some time to think about things. I shouldn't regret anything. It's not a matter of whether I can't turn back anymore. I know I can. I know my mum would understand if I suddenly decided to just come back. But, I wouldn't accept it myself. I don't regret going, leaving my friends and family.

Oh hell, I sure miss them. Even if they are just one call away right now. But, I miss them like crazy. It's to the point that I really just want to spend my time all day long with them. Hugging them when I see them. But, this is part of growing up, I guess. We have to learn to let go and give way. No way will I forget such people who changed the last few months I had when I was permanently staying Singapore.

I don't regret anything because I chose this life and I believe it'll lead me somewhere even if right now, I'm still pretty unsure. Seriously, I love my friends so much that I think I might suffer from some friend complex or something. But, I know people move on. & so am I.

Anyway, I hope I get to spend some more time with them for the last few days before I go off.

I'll grow up. I'm promising myself that. I hope I grow into a better person for the next few months so that when I come back I wouldn't waver as much as I am now.

I'll grow up.

janeh ~